5 Things I Want, 5 Things I Need

I Want:

1) To curl up on a couch and read a book with a boy (the right one )

2) To read/study more than I normally do

3) More acceptance from teachers, family, and friends

4) A better sleep schedule (now that I’m going to bed past midnight, sigh*)

5) To be more relaxed

I Need:

1) Time alone with God

2) To not put myself down about not reading/studying a lot and just do the best I can

3) Learn to accept myself, regardless of what others may think of me

4) To pray about my sleep

5) To realize that God will help me get through the grieving process of my broken relationship

Spiritual Leadership and Dating

It is now day 18, just 22 days left of my fast (from sweets and communicating to a boy in my life). Right now, I feel stuck in between what could have been and what should have been. But I’ve also realized that I have not been “living” my life ever since I met him. He was not a Christian and I was trying to follow his way of life.

I found this post, and it really helped me understand how I related to him.

Messy Relationships: Searching for Hope

I have been feeling very weak today about my forty-day fast. Sometimes I think, why am I not allowing myself to eat sweets or talk with a certain boy in my life?

I’ve been struggling over whether or not I should be with Jack. I decided I needed forty-days to clear my mind, and then, I could make a decision.

Only, I keep asking myself questions. What if I would be really happy with him someday? What if he changed? What if we could make it work? I know these questions seem illogical, but I still keep hoping.

But maybe I need to put my hopes to death. I can’t hope my way into a happy relationship; if he doesn’t try, then I get stuck in a mother-son relationship, rather then a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. I feel like I’m taken for granted. He does not respect my values, morals, faith, decisions, and thoughts. I don’t feel secure in his love for me.

But being the people-pleaser/caregiver I am, I let him take me for granted, and I compromised myself in the process-one thing I REFUSE to do anymore. So I’m clearing my confused mind to think about God’s plan for a change.

Happy Mother’s Day

I am so thankful for a wonderful mother who has taught me faith, shown me hope, and given me love.

Happy Mother’s Day! 

“And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13