Beautiful Wreck

On repeat.

I Will Lift My Eyes

I was driving to my home last night. When I made it there, I parked my car, but I couldn’t get out. I started crying. I was crying because of all the criticism in my life. I just spent Thanksgiving with my parents and it didn’t go so well. I’ve been trying to keep things peaceful there, but it just hasn’t been that way.

They criticize me for my major, for not working enough, for not getting up early enough, for not taking enough credits, for not working out enough, for not being there enough, for being too emotional, for changing my mind, and so on, which explains why I was with a boy who criticized me, who loved me conditionally, who wasn’t there for me when I needed him most. Criticism was familiar to me.

I started crying out to God. Are you here God? Why am I not good enough? Will I ever be good enough? God reminded me that I was good enough. He told me that I was a pearl in His heart, that I was beautiful. And just then, a song came up on the radio reminding me to listen to what God thinks of me. The song? *I Lift My Eyes* by Bebo Normon.

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt

Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let Mercy sing
Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me

‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
So hold me now

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

Cause you are
and you hope
and you will be forever
No longer, I need to say,

You fastened the earth
and you hold it together
God, you hold me now

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now