Sleep Log

Week 1 (August 3-9):

Sunday: 0200-1100… yikes!

I had a bad day and lost sleep over a messy relationship.

Monday: 0100-0815

I was so tired, that I could not wake up to my alarm.

Tuesday: 1230-0800

Ditto… I’m going to bed earlier, but I still feel like I need more sleep. Plus, I need to get up *earlier*. Any tips on how to fall asleep earlier?

Wednesday: 0030-0640… I was so tired in the morning, I had to take a nap before lunch. Though, I wasn’t so tired the rest of the day. Maybe I need to limit my computer time? I am on my computer all day. Such a time-waster. Tomorrow is another day.

Thursday: 0040-0630… I felt so horrible, that went I got home from work, I slept for 2 hours. Why can’t I go to sleep at a descent time? Yesterday, I was so stressed out. Not only about all the events going on in my life, but about a relationship I am in.

I feel so stressed out because it doesn’t seem like he wants the relationship to work, and I also feel like I would have to change him if it ever would. Any thoughts? Am I wasting my time or is this just a learning experience? It used to be a learning experience for me, but now I don’t learn anything new. 

Sometimes I wonder, does God even want me to be in this relationship? I feel like the relationship has absolutely no commitment. I feel insecure because he still loves the person he used to be with. I feel like I have to reach for affection. It makes me feel scarred to death. I am so worried about making mistakes, as both my parents have been divorced and remarried. 

I’m not sure if anyone reads this blog, but if you do, please pray for me. For my soul, my health, my faith, and most of all, my wisdom. It seems so complicated for me to pray about it because I’m too afraid of what God will say. If I hear something I don’t want to hear, I’m not sure if it is coming from God, myself, or the enemy. 

I am currently reading, “Battlefield of the Mind” by Joyce Meyer, and I have realized that my mind is at WAR. How can I make it stop? Why can’t I just end this relationship that is causing me so much pain? I feel jealous, lost, confused, depressed, alone, hopeless, doubtful, manipulated, vulnerable-to the point of changing the person I am. I know that I can’t do this anymore. Is he the problem? Am I the problem? Or was this just not in God’s plan? Am I being impatient for the one God has chosen for me? Will I still love God if He doesn’t give me a man to marry? My answer is yes. Thanks be to Jesus for loving me so much. He died for me and if He saw me in this situation, He wouldn’t exactly be throwing a pity party. Maybe I need to view my life from God’s perspective. What would He think about it?

Friday: 0445-0630… Not so good. I think naps are my problem. I actually just took a 3 hour nap from an incredibly exhausting day. I NEED to go to bed by 2300 tonight (if not earlier), as I have drill at 0600 in the morning. I should get in the mindset to always go to bed at least before midnight. Otherwise, I’m super miserable every day. I need to pray about my sleep. I can’t seem to get a handle of this on my own.

Saturday: 0440-0530. I was so tired today, that I fell asleep after work for 4 hours… yikes! To change this cycle, I’m going to bed BEFORE midnight tonight.