Waiting for a New Year

Hi again. Just checking back, mainly because there is something I really need to share.

I have been writing in this blog  for most of this year, and I feel like I keep writing (and thinking) about *that* person. The person I wanted to change so that he could be with me. Then I realized that I can’t change him. I can only change myself, and that is exactly what I need to do. I have developed mild depression, high anxiety, and chronic headaches this year, so I’m trying to get better.

Lord, I don’t want to have migraines anymore. I am in so much pain. I know that I haven’t been going to You about my pain. I just ignored it ’cause I thought I’d be fine without Your help. But that is so untrue. I need You so much Lord. Please heal my headaches and my heart.

I want to thank You so much for my dear friend, Sarah. She helped me remember that You are always with me, no matter what. Even if I’m not the perfect student, friend, or daughter. Bless Sarah’s grandma and her family. Thank You for having her in my life.

I also want to thank You for second chances. Regardless of where I am, I still have a New Year ahead of me. For now, my New Years resolutions are to (1) Pray to You for wisdom (James 1:5) in regards to what resolutions, if any, You would have me make; (2) Pray for wisdom as to how to fulfill the goals You give me; (3) Rely on Your strength to help me; (4) Encourage my accountability partner; (5) Don’t become discouraged with occasional failures; instead allow them to motivate me further; (6) Don’t become proud or vain, but give You the glory. Psalm 37:5-6, “Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.”

Thank You Lord for the upcoming new year, and for the second chances 2009 will bring.

Holy Club

The members of John Wesley’s Holy Club asked themselves these questions each day in their private devotions:

1. Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I really am? In other words, am I hypocrite?

2. Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?

3. Do I confidently pass on to another what I was told in confidence?

4. Can I be trusted?

5. Am I a slave to dress, friends, work, or habits?

6. Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?

7. Did the Bible live in me today?

8. Do I give it time to speak to me everyday?

9. Am I enjoying prayer?

10. When did I last speak to someone else of my faith?

11. Do I pray about the money I spend?

12. Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?

13. Do I disobey God in anything?

14. Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscious is uneasy?

15. Am I defeated in any part of my life?

16. Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy, or distrustful?

17. How do I spend my spare time?

18. Am I proud?

19. Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the Pharisee who despised the publican?

20. Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard?

21. Do I grumble or complain constantly?

22. Is Christ real to me?

God Will Heal A Broken Heart

Matthew 5:4 – Happy are those who mourn, God will comfort them.

 HOW TO EXPERIENCE GOD’S COMFORT

1. Realize that God is with Me

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and He saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

 Things I Need to Remember

God is aware.

“You (God) keep close watch on everywhere I go.” Job 13:27

 God cares.

“The Lord is good. He protects those who trust Him in times of trouble.” Nahum 1:7

 God wants to help us.

“Whenever we are in need, we should go bravely before the throne of our merciful God. There we will be treated with kindness, and we will find help.” Hebrews 4:16

 2. Release the Hurt How?

I must stop focusing on what’s lost and start focusing on what’s left.

“Forget what happened in the past, and do not dwell on events from long ago.” God says, “I am going to do something new.” Isaiah 43:18

“Don’t take revenge, dear friends. Instead, let God’s anger take care of it.” Romans 12:19

“But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand.” Psalm 10:14

 3. Rely on God’s Resources

God’s Alternatives to the Quick Fix

God’s Word (Reading the Bible)

“I am completely discouraged…revive me by your Word.” “Your Word has been my comfort.” Psalm 119:25,52

God’s People (Your Brothers and Sisters in Christ)

“Our God is a God of comfort. He comforts us every time we have trouble so that we can comfort others when they have trouble. We comfort them with the same comfort that God gives us.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

God’s Spirit

“I pray that God who gives hope, will bless you with happiness and peace because of your faith, and may the power of the Holy Spirit fill you with hope.” Romans 15:13

This certainly is not an exhaustive list of verses to help you or someone you know heal a broken heart. But it is a start. My prayer today is that those of you who have broken hearts will try this list. The healing process begins when you begin.

The King is Enthralled By Your Beauty

The first sermon in the series “Beautiful, a series for women and the men that pursue them” tackles issues such as a women’s identity, culture, beauty, and what God has to say.

Women (and myself!) try to find identity in appearance, “home”, kids, relationships, career, and religion.  Yet, when the very thing that one finds his/her identity in is taken away then what… In the sermon Perry indicates that women who are doing this are “tired.”  Tired of trying so hard and falling short. Tired of going through the three hour beauty routine only to have the rain come and mess everything up! Tired. Simply tired.

Furthermore, culture surrounds us with definitions of beauty. Pictures of beauty abound in magazines, television shows like “America’s Next Top Model”, the internet and every other media outlet. Culture screams multiple ways to become beautiful.  If only you buy this kind of make-up or that dress, then you will feel beautiful, you will look “sexy.”  Or better yet, eat this frozen dinner and you’ll magically lose those 10 extra pounds that keep you from feeling “beautiful.”  Yet, if you did lose those extra pounds, would it ever be enough? Can we ever meet or feel like we’ve met culture’s standard of beauty?  Are we always stuck in the “not good enough” category?

Besides, what is beauty even? Does beauty consist of make-up and high-heels or of skinny jeans and cute tops?  Or maybe beauty comes with the perfect job and perfect husband? Maybe we should turn to scripture instead to find our definition of beauty. Then, would more women be able answer the “Me, Beautiful?” question in an affirmative way? Perry’s main verse, Psalm 45:11, states: “The king is enthralled by your beauty.” God sees who we can be.  God sees us through the lens of Jesus. Let God show You what He sees about you.

Don’t Worry, Be Praying

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for what He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we will understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7

This is something we all need to remember, regardless of how stressful life can be. And since school is almost over, I especially need to remember this in the next couple of weeks.

Beautiful Wreck

On repeat.

I Will Lift My Eyes

I was driving to my home last night. When I made it there, I parked my car, but I couldn’t get out. I started crying. I was crying because of all the criticism in my life. I just spent Thanksgiving with my parents and it didn’t go so well. I’ve been trying to keep things peaceful there, but it just hasn’t been that way.

They criticize me for my major, for not working enough, for not getting up early enough, for not taking enough credits, for not working out enough, for not being there enough, for being too emotional, for changing my mind, and so on, which explains why I was with a boy who criticized me, who loved me conditionally, who wasn’t there for me when I needed him most. Criticism was familiar to me.

I started crying out to God. Are you here God? Why am I not good enough? Will I ever be good enough? God reminded me that I was good enough. He told me that I was a pearl in His heart, that I was beautiful. And just then, a song came up on the radio reminding me to listen to what God thinks of me. The song? *I Lift My Eyes* by Bebo Normon.

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt

Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let Mercy sing
Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me

‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
So hold me now

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

Cause you are
and you hope
and you will be forever
No longer, I need to say,

You fastened the earth
and you hold it together
God, you hold me now

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now