Somewhere in the Middle

Last Thursday, I got a call from him. As I listened on the phone, he sounded sad, worried, but most of all, lonely. He ran to the library to see me. I felt so vulnerable, so lost, so confused. I miss him. I still love him.

He was not only my best friend, but the person I shared my life with. I wanted to believe that we could get back together even though I’m not ready for this. When I was with him, I felt like I had to step out of my “comfort zone,” as if I had to change myself in order to make him happy. I know I can’t do this to myself anymore. At the same time, I still want to see him, to be with him, and to know what’s going on in his life.

I feel guilty for having mixed emotions. I don’t want him to be with me because I am so unsure about it. My gut tells me that coming back to him doesn’t feel right, and yet sometimes I question that feeling—making me feel “trapped” in the middle. Part of my heart wants to be with him but my other half says, “We were not meant to be.”